The *uckenings 40

It’s been going on for so long. And right after I expressed how tired I was of this lockdown situation and how much I needed to go dancing- I turned into a first contact and been grounded until further notice.

Now here I am. Isolated. I call it out of my control consequence. In proper quarantine. I had enough of myself last week already and now the universe is making me deal with 10 times of myself in return. It’s funny how we get to a point, where we’re done deciding for ourselves. I don’t wanto cook another meal. I want to go to a restaurant and be served. And then complain about it. Otherwise our lives won’t make sense any longer. I’m done deciding what music to listen to. I wanto go to a bar and listen to their tunes. And then complain about it. Talking about music- I’ve even given REM another chance. Nothing has changed. We all need a break from this break and we need it now. Staying home has shown me what I took responsibility for and what I made of myself. It’s really hard to see. It was easier to turn my life upside down occasionally on my own inconsequent terms. Now action and reaction seem to be out of my control. It’s like I don’t even exist.

There’s one major good thing though. Most people look so much better with a mask on. Has it occurred to you how weird faces are? Only eyes are way more pleasant. Most faces are nothing nice to look at. Unless they’re working for television. But if they are sitting in a bus, chances are they aren’t on TV and they therefor do not have a TV face. So at least let us have the masks. I’ve been killing time online and then swiping trails. No more cookies. All the 137 thousand unread mails have been deleted. When did they invent the ‘select all’ button on Gmail? It’s been sent from heaven. My shoulders felt so much lighter and so did my browser. Turns out my internet connection isn’t so bad after all. I’ve also taken the chance to look up my most flattering colours. You know what I found out? My couch pattern is an excellent neutral for me. A perfect match to my skin type. Also the bright medical-mask-blue is one of my bold colours. Makes my eyes pop and shine my way through this pandemic.

Yesterday I watched a panda bear eat a bamboo stick, then a carrot and after that a big pumpkin. He munched away like the champ he is.

End of last year I was given an agenda. A nice old-school planer. It’s for 2021 and I haven’t touched it. I’m just so afraid I would write something in it, that would get cancelled and it will be forever wrong. There’s no delete button. Or a go-back button. Sometimes I dream of such buttons in daily life. Said something dumb? Go back. Try again. Gone the wrong way? Delete now. Back to the beginning. Lost a lifetime and learned nothing? Cancel. Rewind. Swipe left.

Take. Me. Back.