The *uckenings 27

So. A bit of time has passed. It has been so damn long, that I have to change the language settings on my word program once again (tools-language-set default).

Jadenchong has not given me any facts today nor during the past 4 weeks. The only news she bombards me with are about magpies. According to Jaden they organise and attend funerals. Thanks for the input Jaden.

Since I just moved to Berlin this weekend, I will be on the lookout for more city-oriented facts. What I have noticed so far is the straight-up and blunt honesty. The industrial areas have a very special rough, rude and dangerous atmosphere to them. Doesn’t mean it is actually dangerous. But it feels like being murdered with every breath while I walk around certain streets.

The bio-hipster areas are funky but still with a bit of a local wtf-mix added to it.

I also noticed all the smells around here. After being stuck in the Alps due to a pandemic lockdown, I have yet to get used to dog-shit-backing-in-the-sun-smells or warm beer mixed with cigarette-smoke-that-has-been-trapped-in-a-chamber-for-ten-years-and-the-door-only-just-opened-for-me-to-get-a-good-sniff-smells for example.

Two days ago I walked into a train station and some dude was making his own life so miserable by trying so hard to make a tidy line of coke purging on the dirty steps right at the entrance without spilling or loosing any of his expensive goods by the breeze coming from the train traffic above us.

Needless to say this city can make you or break you and it’s obvious. If you snooze you loose.

Of course I myself haven’t picked the most ideal time to settle in a fast moving spot like this one. But I’m actually quite famous for my bad timing. If you go to the bathroom and forget to lock the door, guess who will storm in? Me. If you stuff your face with a big scoop of chocolate ice cream in secrecy, guess who will be around the next corner looking up and into your shameful face? Me. If you leave your house with your pants open, guess who will notice before you do? Me. If you hit your head on the baggage storage above you as you get up and fall back onto your plane seat, guess who’s watching? Me. If you are sitting in a restaurant and food falls off your fork, splashes back into the sauce on your plate and ruins your shirt, guess who’s walking by catching the moment? Me. But let me tell you that I have learned to carry your shame with grace. If you’d want anyone to catch you jerking off in a bush, it definitely would be me.

I forced myself to read a German paper. No shitty boulevard toilet press – a nice old-school paper. A few things looked interesting and I really really made an effort but – it was physically quite a challenge to get past the front page. Whoever decided to print a 100cm times 60cm Newspaper in folded double pages should be forced to eat it. I did read the little complementary Magazine that fell out of it while I was doing my best not to ruin the super large pages …as if they were aware that some of us are just totally incapable to read an extra-big sized newspaper, they put a little normal sized A4 Magazine in there to calm our nerves so we don’t feel so useless. Thank you.