The *uckenings 16

It took me a while to get the fog off my head today. What is it? Is it fool-moon?

My dad asked me if I would want to marry a baker or a policeman. I don’t know, why? Nothing. After throwing something like that at me he just ended the conversation. A baker? A cop? WTF dad you’re killing me!

It must have been his way of asking for grandchildren. Relationships as we know them are hard work. Is it selfish not to want one? Is it selfish not to crave for a mini me? Who invented relationships? Is that really our true nature? I’m not so sure about that one. So far three couples I know have split up recently, one of them filed for divorce and two have been kicked out of their parents house including kids. Maybe our nature isn’t to stay in one place forever. Maybe our nature is to move around from time to time. As for me – I’m not a desktop, I’m like a laptop; I need to go places.

A past lover messaged me today and in my reflex mode I put on perfume. My mental state is worse than I thought!

How different life was when I was 16! Nothing in this world scared me back then.

Now everything does. And everything is scared of me too. I scared the crap out of snakes on two different occasions. They acted like they had seen a ghost. I didn’t do a whole lot. Was just doing my thing, minding my own business. One time I sat at the lake reading a book early morning as a snake slides out from under the rock I’m leaning on – as our eyes lock she jumps 2 meters into the other direction in sheer fear. The second time I stormed into my bathroom after a yoga class almost peeing my pants and a snake flies off the water heater over my head. I’ve never seen so much panic!

Today our dog almost had a heart attack as he came around the corner and didn’t expect nor see me sitting there at first. Have you ever seen a dog scared shittless? It certainly was funny for a split second. It’s like I don’t even exist.

These creatures just randomly bump into me and act like I am the creep.

Just like men.

I’ve tried to stay positive the last few days reading a book called the key to the universe. My focus keeps drifting off though and once in a while I find myself completely caught up in a daydream. Have you ever truly drifted off by pure daylight? It hardly happens to us anymore nowadays or else we’d drop the omnipresent smartphone right out of our hand. It feels like time stopped.

I only ever got a glimpse of that feeling when watching ‘Dream of Jeannie’. She used to blink and everyone would freeze. The teleporting was another peculiar focus in that sitcom. I remember. How handy would that be right now! Dude! I used to think by 2020 we’d have figured it all out. Look at us now. We’re in the midst of conspiracies, anger, uncertainty and pointing fingers at one another while thousands of people are dying away every day. Still. Hunger, sickness, wars. And I’m sitting here doing nothing except having bad hair.

Jadenchong said I might just be having an off day so let us leave it at that.

I’m gonna go donate money so I can sleep easy tonight.